I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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