OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
