he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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