Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
