Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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