I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
