I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
