My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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