I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
