I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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