Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
