He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
