remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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