I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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