New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
porn star boner night. come get it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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