He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i came on her dog
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
