I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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