I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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