Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
