Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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