I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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