I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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