Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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