after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
