I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
