He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
