last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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