Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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