I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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