Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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