he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize