Fine. I'll sleep in my office
one might say we're banned from that church
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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