this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
