You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
