Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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