as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
