Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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