The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
