hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
