i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
bring money and cleavage
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
