I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
