we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
