Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
