if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
