You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
