You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
