Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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