even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
