I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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