dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
how drunk are you?
Several
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
