how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
