dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
