mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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