How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
