i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
