I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
