"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
