Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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