Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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