he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
