closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
