So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
