how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
