Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
