Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
